Words can hurt or heal. What did yours do today?

Disclaimer: I know I was supposed to be talking about my adventures on this blog, but hey, this is something that needs to be pondered on. So, sit back, relax, and read through as you re-assess yourself. Adventures would be so much better if you know you’re not running away from doing people wrong 😉

I bet all of you are well aware of how hyped up is the ‘Thirteen reasons why’ series nowadays. It has been commended and criticized, depending upon how people have understood it. Well, I’m not going to do that. But just know that I have read the book and I have it in mind as I write this entry.

Words can hurt or heal. Take it from someone who has always been reckless at spitting out her opinion and someone who already got used to taking shit from other people. Take it from someone who have been on both sides of the spectrum. I’m not gonna come clean, I am a terrible person. I’ve said things, done things, that has hurt others and with all sincerity, I apologize. I’ve always been a people person, I got a lot of friends who talk to me whenever I pass by them along the school corridors. Friends who are only there for the good times. Lately, I’ve made a lot of changes on myself. Lifestyle, people I acquaint myself with, perspective in life, etc. This includes leaving people behind and not giving a damn about what they say.

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Photo Credits: Thirteen Reasons Why (weheartit.com)

But is it really possible to not give a shit about what people say? Is it really possible to not be hurt whenever people talk about you behind your back? I don’t think so.  Being the strong person that I am, I always tell my friends to not give a shit about those stuff, to not let other people’s words bother them. I thought I never did. Until one day I found myself in the corner of my room, fighting off the tears and the screams that wanted to get out of my system as I think of all the bad things that people around me were saying. Until I bawled my eyes out and screamed with the hopes that the lump in my throat would be gone for good.

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Photo Credits: Thirteen Reasons Why (weheartit.com)

Have I ever thought of taking the same road Hannah Baker did? No, I didn’t. But just like Hannah, I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to stop caring. I wanted to stop feeling. As I made some changes on my life, I’d like to believe I became a better person. I’ve decided to always just be the BIGGER person. Not the person who I was before. The person who hurt back the people who hurt her just to feel better, the person who said shit about people just to feel good about herself. I am not that person anymore. And as good as it feels, it sucks just the same. It sucks to feel helpless while people around you continue to pick on you. It sucks to be taken for granted and to be perceived as a weak person for not fighting back and choosing to still be a good person.

Not gonna lie, I still say shit about people until now, I am still a terrible person. I am just more mindful of my actions now. Because I know how bad it feels to want to stop feeling things and to feel desperate of getting rid of the pain. I guess I just got blessed with few people who made sure I get through it with them. But what about those who do not have friends as good as mine? What about those people who got their problems all piled up as if nothing could go right anymore? I’ve been there and trust me when I say, it’s like a 30-day trial of hell.

Now, I’m gonna be honest with you. I wrote this because I feel bad, because I want the pain I’m feeling to stop. I wrote this because I needed an outlet for all the words that has been hurting me lately. Because sometimes, the comforting words are not enough.

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Photo Credits: Thirteen Reasons Why (weheartit.com)

Sometimes the comforting words are not enough to cover up all the mean words people have said about you but taking your life is not an option. It should never be an option for anybody. The world and the people in it are terrible, we are terrible. But not all the choices we have are terrible as well. We could still choose to be good and to be happy. There’s so much to be thankful for. We can choose to stop saying shit about others, to begin with.

It sucks to be in a very happy state in your life and have other people try to ruin it. It hurts to be thrown with hurtful words just because you did things to protect something that is important to you. I am hurting, but I will get through this. Shout out to my friends who didn’t tell me all good things, my friends who do not always agree with me and made sure they call me out whenever I did something wrong. Maybe that’s when you know you’re blessed with friendship that is true, when they do not just tell you the things you want to hear. When they call you out when you’re doing something wrong because they want you to be a good person and they believe that you are capable of being one. Thank you, friends, for giving me something to be thankful for daily.  Thank you for never giving up on me.

To my boyfriend who never fails to make me smile and remind me that I am worthy, Thank you. Thank you for making sure that I feel loved everyday. Thank you for always standing up for me whenever other people does me wrong, for doing everything in your power to ensure that our relationship is getting the respect that it deserves and for exerting extra effort in countering my demons. Thank you for being my knight in shining armor. 

To my family, we may all have our shortcomings, but thank you for being my number 1 reason for being strong. Thank you for always asking if I’m okay. Thank you for always hugging me after every long and tiring day. Thank you for wanting to fight for me during my battles even though I just keep on stopping you. Thank you for putting up with my shit whenever I am in a bad mood because people have done me wrong once again. Lastly, Thank you for always reminding me not to aim for perfection, but to aim for goodness. I wouldn’t be the strong person that I am if not for you.

To You, Papa God, Thank You! Thank You for putting these people in my life. Thank You for blessing me more than I deserve and forgive me for not appreciating it enough. Thank You for being my solid rock foundation and for being the one I talk to whenever I feel like I don’t have anybody left. Thank You for being the great God that You always are. I will forever be in awe of Your love for me.

To everyone who has read through my entry and made it here, Thank you! Thank you for giving me a platform I could use to feel better. Thank you for listening. Now that you’re here, I want you to walk away with this thought which you could ask yourself daily:

Words can hurt or heal. What did yours do today?

My greatest adventure.

Lately, I haven’t been able to go places or climb mountains due to the fact that I am busy working on our undergraduate study (the one I’ve been working on during my Samar trip) and of course because of the Graduation Myth. The only places you’d find me in are my house, my group mates’ houses, libraries, and school. I was actually close to becoming depressed already because of how uneventful my life is. Can you imagine being in front of your laptop, extracting knowledge from your exhausted brain 24/7? I never thought I was capable of doing such foolishness.

However, looks like God doesn’t want me to stop wandering and going on adventures like what I promised myself at the beginning of this year, so He made sure I would go to the greatest adventure of my 2017 without having to go that far.

A month ago, I had the most unexpected encounter with this man at our school. It’s a mundane thing for me to be able to talk to strangers daily, but the manner of how we met was just so unexpected and surreal. I wouldn’t narrate everything that happened that day, but I’m taking you straight to the month after that. A month after the unexpected encounter, I didn’t expect to actually fall in love with this man. After years of building walls, putting my guard up and believing that love isn’t just for me, I fell in love. All the 11:11’s I spent wishing for genuine happiness has finally paid off. All the heartaches and all the pain led me to this. Everything I’ve gone through led me to him.

All these years I thought all that I am and all that I could be was just a side chick, that everybody would eventually leave once they see my flaws, that saving numbers shouldn’t even be a thing anymore since people would just call whenever they’re bored or running out of people to talk to, but then he came. Not in a white horse and a carriage, but in a green basketball jersey. I’ve always told myself that I don’t need a man to save me, but he came and did exactly just that. He saved me. He saved me from all the sad things, from all the bad experiences. He saved me from the belief that I am not worth it.

To YOU, I do not know when you’ll be able to read this. But just know that I love you. I may have tendencies of pushing you away and not believing everything you say, but I’m trying and trust me when I say I will try harder. I will do anything to keep you. Because baby, you are my greatest adventure, and I don’t ever wanna go home.

21st Philippine International Hotair Balloon Fiesta

OMNI Aviation Complex, Clarkfield, Pampanga, Philippines
12 Feb 2017, Another check off the bucket list ✔

To everyone who has tried listing down their bucket list, one of it is probably being able to attend a Hotair Balloon Fiesta. For that, I am pleading guilty. Last Sunday, I was able to check this one off my bucket list and I can say that I had a really unforgettable experience when I did.

I went to Pampanga all the way from Laguna with two of my bestfriends to watch the fiesta. Even though I still haven’t slept yet because I just got home from Samar, I still pushed through because there has been rumors of the possibility that this year is going to be the last time that the hotair balloon fiesta is going to be held in the Philippines for some reason. There were a lot of attendees and we had a hard time going in because the place got too congested at some point that the organizers had to delay the entry of some attendees. It was really hot and dusty so you could expect that I now have a tan and I went home with my hair and whole body full of dust. Still, it was all worth it.

Aside from the hotair balloons, other activities that involve flying can also be witnessed throughout the day. Kites are flying all around the place as well as aircrafts and parachutes. The event surely didn’t fail their tagline which says ‘A weekend of everything that flies’. There were no tables and chairs for us to stay throughout the day so we decided to buy a tent. We had a hard time staying there because of the intense hot weather and the occasional dust clouds. There have been some noticeable setbacks in the system of the event, but still, they didn’t fail to amaze.

Checking this off my bucket list was a one of a kind experience and I am hoping that it’s not true that this would be the last year of the event in the Philippines. 2017 is my year and it should be yours too! To more things to check off our bucket lists!!!

Guiuan, Eastern Samar, Philippines

4-11 Feb 2017, Travel for a cause

Guiuan is a municipality found in the Philippines’ Visayas Region. Far from the city, this is the part of the country that is within the typhoon belt, which means natural disasters usually hit the region. We went to Guiuan for our thesis about Typhoon Yolanda/Haiyan which, as we all know, is the strongest typhoon to ever hit the Philippines. This typhoon first made its landfall in Guiuan, Eastern Samar, way back 2013

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Me & the Pacific Ocean

Fear and anxiety filled my heart as we go to Samar for a lot of reasons. First, we’re going to a place where people speaks a dialect we do not understand, next, we’re staying at an unfamilliar place for a week and this was by far the longest time and the farthest I’ve been away from my family, at the same time, the weather wasn’t really good at the time and it was raining really hard which means there’s a possibility for us to witness how tough it is when a typhoon hits the said region, another reason is there are lots of scary stories about the place saying the people there usually pull off witchcrafts on people who are not from their place, and lastly, the graduation myth that I was talking about.

If you try looking up the place on the internet, you’d see news mostly about calamity and devastation. But what the internet fail to let us see is the paradise beyond all these catastrophes. With the Pacific Ocean surrounding the islands in the municipality, you’ll be able to see bodies of water almost everywhere you go and they’re not just like the typical beaches we see in Boracay or Puerto Galera. These beaches has waves that can grow bigger than churches and I will forever be in awe of its beauty.

We stayed at Tanghay View Lodge, with the Leyte Gulf as the view from our room’s window. The people at the lodge were so accomodating that it actually feels like home staying there. Another great thing is that the food there was nothing but awesome. With prices that are really affordable, me and my thesismates were surprised at how delicious the food is (plus the serving size is big, one order is actually enough for the 7 of us, considering the fact that we all eat a lot). If you’re planning to go to Guiuan, I recommend that you stay at this Lodge, because babe, we deserve the best! 😉

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View from our room (Leyte Gulf)

We conducted a house to house in-depth interview for our thesis, this was one of the most nerve wrecking thing to do at the beginning, because we really had no idea how the people would respond or if they would be willing to welcome us. Also, the witchcraft stories are really scary, I swear. Surprisingly, the people of Guiuan are really welcoming that it’s almost too good to be true. They are all smiling and they all participated willingly. Then and there, all the fear that I once had was gone. I saw all the traits that being a Filipino has taught me. I saw how resilient these people are, how despite all the calamities that hit their place, they still managed to have hope and to keep their faith. Most of them lost family members during the typhoon, and all of them lost their homes. Each and every house we went to has a different story of devastation and loss, all of which are just equally heartbreaking.
*Photos of our respondents cannot be uploaded due to privacy reasons

The Mayor of the municipality even treated us for lunch, had someone drive us around the municipality and made sure that we are staying at a good place. Knowing that we are only just students and we won’t really be able to do anything huge for them, they still treated us well and for that I am thankful. We are so lucky to have the people of Guiuan actively participate in our study that we finished our data gathering procedures ahead of time. Because of that we still had time to go around the place as if we’re on a vacation. We went to Calicoan Island where we rented a cottage and a pool where we were able to drink while having a nice view of the Pacific Ocean. We spent all our remaining money for the getaway since we thought it was all well-deserved for all the hardwork that we had throughout our stay.

With how well we were treated during our stay in Guiuan, I am now even more motivated to do well in our thesis and to actually work harder to make a difference in these people’s lives. I also had more appreciation of the life that I have now. Because if these people manage to be strong despite all the disasters that tried to bring them down, so can I.

All in all, I can say that Guiuan is one of the hidden gems of my country and I most certainly fell in love with the place as well as its people. I’ve never met people as nice as the ones in Guiuan until I stayed there and I really am grateful. There’s more to Guiuan than all the natural disasters that destroyed it. Guiuan is a paradise that hasn’t been discovered yet and I am praying that it won’t be abused by humans the same way that all the other beautiful places in this country have been destroyed. I am definitely going back!

(Not sure if you guys are interested in what our thesis is all about and in knowing how to go to Guiuan, but if you are, hit me up ;))

Graduation Myth

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Photo Credits: weheartit.com

I will be graduating college in a few months and most people are telling me to not go on adventures for a while because of the Graduation Myth that says students who are about to graduate are more prone to accidents months before their graduation date. There are also lots of stories where graduating students died months before they graduate. It might just be a coincidence, but there’s nothing to lose if I’ll be more careful, right?

In the Philippines, there are a lot of myths and superstitions that are really hard to explain. This graduation myth is just one of the many. Despite the lack of scientific explanations to back it all up, Filipinos believe that it won’t do us any harm to follow them. With that being said, I still have 2 more major adventures to go to in the next months. After that, I’ll probably observe a home-school-home routine until the time I graduate to stop my family from worrying about my welfare.

What I do not know is if the said graduation myth is also popular in other countries or if other people believe in it as well, but what I’m sure of is that my mom won’t allow me to go anywhere yet until the day of my graduation.😂

The Blogger.

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The woman behind the adventures.

Apparently, the person behind this blog is a 20-year-old woman, who has Anne as her second name that’s why she decided to call herself The wANNEderess, and is about to get a degree in Bachelor of Arts in International Studies in a few months. There’s not much to know about me, but I’d still give this introduction a shot.

As I’ve said on my first post, I created this blog with the promise that I will become more spontaneous this year, and I’m trying my best to live up to that. I’ve been blogging ever since I was 12. From Blogspot to Tumblr, name it, I’ve tried it. I’ve been active on Tumblr for quite some time and I was able to build a lot of friendships there, though what I had there was a Tagalog blog and also a personal one. I was able to go to meet ups and other blogger activities. Until some time that I already thought Tumblr is becoming toxic with the hates and all that. That’s the time I decided to leave and create a new blogging life here in WordPress. I created a personal blog years ago and it’s still up and running until today. I never had the courage to share that blog of mine anymore, as I don’t want to get as much attention as I did way back Tumblr. But this time, if I would be able to gather enough courage, I am going to put this one on public.

Introductions normally include descriptions and I really suck at describing people most especially myself, then again, I’ll give it a shot. I have always been into blogging and writing because I like putting my thoughts and emotions into words, as much as I love reading novels and other people’s written version of their thoughts. I think the best way to describe myself is to say that I tend to prove people wrong all the time. I am someone who is perceived by other people as wild, lazy and up to no good. What they don’t know is behind that happy-go-lucky front of mine is someone who has goals and big ass dreams. Behind that woman who seem to not do anything other than going to parties and drinking is someone who makes sure her family and friends feel loved and someone who stays up all night just to study and make her parents proud. There’s nothing more fulfilling than being judged for how you look on the outside and being able to prove them wrong after some time.

So, to everyone who will be able to read through this blog of mine, this year, watch me prove all of these people wrong. Watch me reach my goals and dreams as I write about all of it for you to read. 😉

Less Social Media.

Another promise that I made to myself this year is to lessen my time on social media. I even planned on deactivating all my accounts, but it’s just not possible as it’s the only means of communication for thesis and stuff. Not that social media has been taking over my life as most millennials would claim, but I just observed that I spent too much time on the internet during the previous year. With so much fun going on with my life, I was always excited to brag about those nights on social media, always looking forward to tweeting about how wasted I got, or post snaps of my drunk friends on Snapchat. Though I still have a life away from it, I just think that this year, it would be better if I am going to live my life only for myself and not for other people to ponder on or talk about. I am still going to post photos from time to time, I would still be active on this blog even, but those hundreds of followers that I have don’t possess the privilege of being updated about my daily life anymore. I am happy and that’s all they need to know.

I have nothing against posting on social media, it’s just a matter of personal choice. I believe that even though it doesn’t directly affect my well-being, it will have indirect effects on who I am as a person. Maybe I am just overthinking things, maybe it really depends upon the person, then again, this is a personal choice. I’m not telling anyone to make the same choice that I made, all that I’m saying is this is my way of improving my life and who I am as a person.

By consistently updating on social media, people who I don’t really care about and clearly doesn’t care about me either were given instant access to my private life. I was giving them something to talk about on their groupchats through those one-liners I tweet. They talk about me when they didn’t even see half of the story aside from that sentence I tweeted. Yes, I know I shouldn’t care about what others say about me. I don’t. It’s just that, whenever I find out about people saying shit behind my back because of something I tweeted, sometimes even just my photo captions becomes a topic to talk about, it infuriates me. Who wouldn’t be infuriated when you find out that these people whose existence you’ve already forgotten are talking about you because of some caption you decided to randomly type? Did my caption hurt them? No. & I don’t want that kind of negativity in my life anymore.

When I promised that I would live my life to the fullest, it includes not having a place for toxic, irrelevant people in my life anymore. This is my year and I’m going to do whatever I want with it. This year, I’M DOING EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF.